It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.
Also, fun fact: being nice to someone you hate does NOT make you two faced
it makes you a mature adult who knows when to pick their battles and when to just let it go and tolerate someone for their shitty personality.
if you think otherwise grow up
SO MANY PEOPLE TO SHOW THIS TO IT ACTUALLY HURTS ME
Fuck tonight and fuck tomorrow and fuck cancer and just fuck shit fuck(via nojunk-nosoul)
It sucks that we miss people like that. You think you’ve accepted that someone is out of your life, that you’ve grieved and it’s over, and then bam. One little thing, and you feel like you’ve lost that person all over again.
I could never cheat on anyone. It’s the type of mistake and wrong doing I couldn’t live with. Knowing that you destroyed someone’s trust is bad, but destroying someone’s perspective on love is far too worse.
oh my god you don’t understand how much i want to kiss you
or watch movies with you
or fall asleep with you
or drink coffee with you
or cuddle with you
or hold your hand
or go to amusement parks with you
or watch concerts with you
or bake with you
i want to do everything with you
There’s this boy that I met and I think I like him because every time I see him my stomach twists into knots. Why?
It’s my birthday and my best present today was seeing him, him him him him
I hope I get to see him again, his face is pretty and his voice is gentle and I hope he doesn’t forget me over the summer
That boy still exists and he is still beautiful and lovely and our skin touched today
It seems like a lot of other people think this boy is beautiful too. How annoying. He was supposed to have been my little secret
I like this boy a lot and I saw him with another girl tonight and it was like being stabbed in the middle of the stomach with a jagged, rusty knife
What if he falls in love with her? I will not be okay
I kissed the boy I kissed the boy I kissed the boy and he said he liked me
I walked home with him today and we kissed some more and his lips tasted better than the alcohol I’m so used to consuming
He chose me
“When I’m with you, all of my worries go away,” he said. That’s all I could ever want really
He told me he loved me and I held him so tightly that neither of us could breathe
He took me to meet his family today and we went to a garden and I’ve decided that I love him back
We laid down in his bed but every single movement was innocent. I stared at the ceiling and loved the way my head fit perfectly on his shoulder. He loves the same music as I do
We had our first fight today and I cried when I got home and then Mother yelled so I cried some more
He’s getting awfully close to his female friends and I don’t know how I feel about it. I took a brisk walk in the rain to think it through and then I drank when I got home. His Christmas present came in the mail. Should I trash it?
We had another fight and it was bad
I haven’t seen him in a while and I’m nervous for the next time I do, is that bad?
He was my New Year’s kiss. In the middle of the night he told me he missed me while I was gone but then he wouldn’t touch me in the morning
He went to his friend’s house and didn’t tell me. This friend happens to be a girl. I don’t know. I’m probably going to get drunk tonight